Sunday, February 12, 2012


Here's the thing about soup. It either kicks ass, or it sucks..other parts. This, my friends is a tale of two soups.

This one kicks ass.

This one sucks, well..something.

I've jumped off the cleanse train a couple of times, and haven't really loved how I felt when I did. But, I forgave myself the flub and moved on because you know what this is?


I will eat other things in life beside giant, leafy salads and soup. I will have chips again in life. I haven't destroyed all of my hard work by eating something terrible: in moderation. Holy crap! In moderation! Yeah, so, that.

Super Bowl Sunday, even though I didn't give a flying rat's bung about the game, I wanted chips and guacamole. I settled for roasted kale and that green monstrosity up there. Said green monstrosity is spinach and mushroom soup.

It was one of the most hideous things I've ever eaten. That very well is partially my fault. Thoroughly cleaning leeks is a laborious task and one at which I clearly blow. So, that soup was a gritty, slimy, disgusting trainwreck that took me all day to make. So, I ate it. It was gross. Here's the recipe.

Shitty Ass Spinach and Mushroom Soup

1.5lbs of mixed mushrooms ( I used cremini and portobello)
2 cups of spinach
1 box of vegetable broth
2 cloves of garlic
2 teaspoons of red pepper flake

Please, for all that is good and pure, wash the ever loving hell out of your leeks. If you don't, this soup will be horrid and it will be your fault. After washing, chop those suckers up and saute in olive oil, add garlic once leeks are wilted. Brush, clean, and chop your mushrooms, add it into your pot. The mushrooms will expel a ton of liquid, keep cooking them down until the liquid evaporates and the mushrooms start to brown. Add your broth, turn the heat to low, add in your spinach and pepper flake. Simmer for about 20 minutes. Take half of the soup and put it in your blender and blend it smooth. Add that back to your soup pot.

Even without grit, I seriously hated the hell out of this soup. The color, the texture and the smell all grossed me the hell out. Enjoy!

Curried Carrot Soup

2 lbs of carrots, scrubbed.
1/2 sweet potato (not yam, they are not the same)
1 medium yellow onion
6 cloves of garlic
a buttload (that is SO a unit of measurement.) of Madras Curry Powder
1 box vegetable broth
1 cinnamon stick
3 cloves
salt and pepper to taste

Saute your onions in olive oil until translucent, then add your garlic cloves. Once you've added garlic cloves, add some curry powder. I don't know how much. If you like curry, then add a bunch. If not, then not so much. Once you smell the garlic, turn the heat to medium and add your broth then dump in your carrots and your 1/2 sweet potato (with the skin on), the cloves and cinnamon stick. Cover and simmer until carrots and sweet potato are soft. Fish out your cinnamon stick and cloves and pull out the sweet potato. Take the skin off the sweet potato and put it in your blender. Carefully pour the soup into your blender and blend until smooth. Or, use your immersion blender.

My first reaction upon tasting this was "bleh". It was really sweet and boring. I wanted a more Indian flavor and more of a savory (I really hate that word) note. I mixed in more salt, more curry powder and a pretty healthy dose of cracked black pepper. That made it AWESOME. I will be eating this with a huge salad for lunch this week. Not a bad way to be vegan, kids. It's not pork, but it sure is good.

Not that spinach mushroom thing, though. That was just a crapfest.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I like crap

This is an unavoidable truth of my condition. I adore eating crap. Crap is delicious in its crappiness. Deep fried, cheesy, drenched in some kind of drool worthy sauce and washed down with diet soda. I love it. What crap IS is tasty. What crap isn't is conducive to you being alive very long.

I kinda like being alive.

I haven't tried the alternative, but I can almost certainly assure you that it can't be nearly as fun as being alive.

Clay and I were watching Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and all of the sudden a bell went off in my crap-eating head. I am killing myself. All of my B.S. excuses for not getting healthy (valid, invalid, and whatever) were all ending in the same result: me dying.

I'm 36, I am diabetic. I am on 3 different medications for diabetes, one for cholesterol, two for migraines. I am over 200lbs and I am dying. So tell me, crap...whatever shall we do?

Crap and I parted ways a week ago. Dairy, processed foods, bread, grain and meat...all gone. I have been wholly, unwaveringly vegan for a week. I am down 9lbs, already had to stop taking one of my blood sugar meds due to a pretty intense near-blackout hypoglycemia moment. One week, and I have dumped a medication.

That's pretty telling, if you ask me.

The vegan thing is partially a reboot green juice fast, partially a Standard Process purification cleanse (as suggested by my awesome business partner). It is also me eating whole, mostly raw fruits and vegetables and juices made from the same. I've only cooked two soups in the past week and ate this today for lunch:
That? Is a spinach, basil, carrot, mushroom, tomato salad with a squeeze of lemon and some Persian lime olive oil. And you want to know what?

I loved it.

It was washed down with green apple carrot juice. I loved that, too.

The vegan thing will not be a permanent life change. Partially because I love cheese and partially because chickens are abysmally stupid and delicious, which is the perfect storm for something meant to be food. Stupid + tasty= get in mah bellah.

But for now? It's me and my vegetable and fruit friends. We are getting familiar.

Green Apple Carrot Juice:

two large green apples
three carrots
1/2 cup cold water

clean and prep appropriately, put into your juicer, juice, drink.

Next I shall regale you with my spinach mushroom soup. Dude, I finally had a reason to use my immersion blender. This vegan thing is alright.